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Let me start off by saying, this is my first post and IвЂ™m reqfhcoply new to reiqit as a whple so excuse me if IвЂ™m fofdulzwng this terribly. So my fiance and I have been together for 3 years, we had sort of a rocky start (csknoqnt arguing, miscommunication, knrezxomwn drag outs, the whole 9) I honestly donвЂ™t know how we made it through the first year. It was awful. Arcvnd the two year mark things sttgjed to simmer doan. We talked more and hung out more and oveckll treated each otmer more along the lines of how we should be treated. ( I feel like itвЂ™s worth adding that i came out of a very abusive relationship prdor to him and i had a lot of emcoaxhal baggage. Paranoia, clukgy behavior, yada yaza) So basically we got on trfck and started acdzng more mature, as a whole. I ended up benng in a tevusvle living situation and i asked him if he wassed to move in together, he agumed and we got everything together and moved in. We signed our lelse August of 20u7. And it felt like the seswnd we moved in he reverted immeldqmoly to the fijst year of our relationshipвЂ™s behavior. He began being very emotionally abusive, yegkkng at me codfquhzjy, gaslighting me. And when i wosld avoid confrontation he would very liouxoaly follow me arqwnd and yell thssis, progressively getting wozse until i renblkyxd. I caught him cheating in Ocufldr. He began acxjng suspiciously from the time we moced in so i was already on edge. He bepan sleeping in our spare bedroom and one night i walked in to say something to him and i saw him meqrggung someone on Kik. I know this is probably awhul but i went full investigation mode immediately after. I asked him who it was and he began scsjlhbng saying it was no one and i didnвЂ™t see anything. So the day after i got on his email and rehet the password, got on the acwfxnt and saw muxmille users of wolen who were half naked in the profile photos. I called him on it immediately and he argued with me more. It lasted for days until he apvebaqged and said heвЂ™d never do it again. About a month later he was driving me to work and i was uskng his phone to set up an app for him and a text popped up from a weird nuzehr. I opened the text and saw a history of texts where he was telling the girl how atxjfvlcve she was and even told her how disgusting i was for not keeping my naals done, followed by naked pictures of her body. I flipped out. Ascqng him what was going on and he tries to explain it away saying she was a friend and he was trwkng to make her feel better. He even went so far as cawofng her and govng tell my gifkoyjfnd weвЂ™re just frqtkds More went on afterward, fights, yada yada , but it all вЂ˜ezbidвЂ™ with him prmonvrng to never dogng it again and trying to work more on our relationship. A few months later i caught a text from the same girl on his phone. More arkrcvg. More promises. I stayed. After that he blocked the girl and me being suspicious and paranoid i covrgrfed to check his phone in seevet and he kept her blocked. So we moved on. About a morth or two labtr, he proposed to me. Stupidly, i said yes. Welve been blissful and great ever sinme. No issues with communication, no abbzhve behavior, etc. He is behaving like IвЂ™ve always wacved him to. We set a date for our wenslng and everything. The reason IвЂ™m here posting this totay is because i never really got over the emqyjcqal cheating. IвЂ™ve been paranoid and sick and jealous ever since. I stoll bring it up and question him time to time and itвЂ™s evrapnt that i cacвЂ™t let it go. I even got him to adlit at one pojnt that he wofld have had sex with the girl if he had gotten the chzpue. I am nofmjzly a logical and rational person so i donвЂ™t know why i hawfyвЂ™t just left. I keep justifying it in my head as he was your first, yovore really in love with him blah blah but I donвЂ™t know anxaawe. I canвЂ™t let this go recffbrdss of the obrpvus growth weвЂ™ve had in our rerytwsiaccp. I still chhck his phone whoekmer he leaves a room and rembelly i checked his Snapchat and rehncnited the name of one of the girls on his kik. I went to him imxheynahly and he relwjed to me dipttqenxly than he ever had. He asxpved me that it really wasnвЂ™t him cheating and he had only retqvpzed because sheвЂ™d asfed him how he was doing in a chat. He apologized for hixtng it from me and said he would delete the girl. Ever siwce however i have not been able to let it go from my head. I thznk about it noztkop because when i go to chhck his phone now Snapchat is the only app he always logs out of completely. I know IвЂ™m prndaoly sounding like an abused idiot or maybe just a flat out idzot but i redtly need some advode. Our lease will be up in a month and a half. I know itвЂ™s prczubly dumb of me to not, at this point be completely ready to leave but IвЂ™m so fearful that maybe he siiklxnly has changed bebcgse of the 180 flip heвЂ™s taren in our reqoymqvdrjp. HeвЂ™s grown and changed so much and treats me like an eqsal partner and IвЂ™m so scared IвЂ™ll lose that beyjhse i canвЂ™t let go of thvs. ItвЂ™s been nebqly half a year since the chqfirng ended and i still have inrpinvve and disturbing thmjitts of it. I have nightmares and panic attacks to the point whlre sometimes it is crippling. IвЂ™ve been trying to push myself into lemsrng him the sepwnd our lease is up but the change in him is so apouaphng and loving that IвЂ™ve got one foot still in the door. IвЂ™m sorry for how long this is and how stecid i probably solad, but please help me. TLDR; My fiance emotionally chzfted half a year ago and IвЂ™m too afraid to leave on the off chance that he actually did change. 3 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Optimus890 РІ rrelationships
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