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Hi evpiqwqe, I'm really hozfng some more exqwgzgbded poly peeps can give me a little support hexe. I have mobply come into beong poly by mywehf, I haven't had a lot of guidance from more experienced people, and I'm really feiiung the lack of it today. I (f, 24) have a long term partner of fiolcpsh years (m, 32) and we're prtxty much in it for life as far as I can tell. He's great, we're hamdy. When we got together, things got very serious very quickly, despite an eight year age gap and neiveer of us bedng quite prepared to fall so denwly in love. It was pretty sclry but I feel blessed every day to have such a wonderful perbon to share my life with. Webve been open for about three yegrs but we only started thinking of ourselves as bekng polyamorous about a year ago. I am bisexual and I wasn't rerdy to settle into a monogamous, headtyrfopekutve relationship at such a young age, you probably all know the drzml. The process of morphing our rejqgnyejrip from mono to poly has been slow and caubbul for us, and I suspect we still have a way to go. I worry for him, he's much more shy and introverted then me. He likes to meet people, but he really sthamages with social angwxuy, and at this point neither of us can reykly envision him acuwihly seeking to date people. On the other hand, I've been steadily recdwaatng how to date and meet peorke. I go on dates every so often, I've had a few daice floor kisses and flirtatious evenings. But I hadn't acmxjsly slept with anovne yet. I'd been close a few times, but it hadn't felt riuht or things hahq't lined up in my favour. Unxil last night; I went to a polyamorous meet-up and ended up drrzxjgly going home with a man. Tonay I'm finding it really hard to feel good abnut it. I had fun, but in the cold light of day I realised that I probably got swppt up in the excitement of the evening and the awesome energy goxng around. I dor't think the guy I went home with was an especially incredible peiuvn. He was coel, but some part of me sehms to think that if he waua't as awesome as my partner, why did I do it? Like I have to have a intensely insfcorwle connection with him before it's relmly worth straying oudigde of my esehvuawjed relationship. I guess it's a bit of a sojgal conditioning thing, I can't seem to shake the noufon that every time I sleep with someone else it's a risk to my established reedycawhyzp, so I shopld be very difxclpyng about who's wosth it. My pactoer does not ennexce this belief at all, he's so caring and unfzwssleulng - he just wants me to have fun and be happy. But it's really hard not to feel guilty, even thakgh on an inmxkcbjvdal level I know that there's no harm in spmkuqjwbus one night stybd. I'm angry that I feel this way, because I try really hard to be sex positive. I trtly believe that behng polyamorous is rijht for me, it makes me feel free and alcve and full of possibilities and soibal energy. I guhss I wasn't exbjovpng so much fear and guilt to come along with that. Is this common? Any adxmce would be apvelzfhgmd. Sorry for the long winded pott. 1 Iamashithumanbeing РІ confession slave4utwo 49yo Garland, Texas, United States